Head Injury Week 5 and 6: getting there?

It wasn’t till I reflected on the past few weeks that I remembered and realised that there have been more small improvements. There are still a string of frustrating side effects though: I am now at the point that I tend to forget that some things could still be related to the head injury.

Beijing (the world championships) is now frighteningly close, only just over a week away. I feel completely unprepared. I have to work hard to focus on the fact that my targets and goals are very much changed from their original, and that I am still in fact lucky to be alive. I am still going on my reverse pacing plan, start easy, finish up running for my life, so to speak!

I still cannot remember a thing about the accident. I have a large expanse of blank time I cannot explain. I have accepted the fact that I will never actually know what happened.

The current symptoms:

·       Dizziness. In week 6, I realised that the intermittent dizziness is getting much much better. I notice the dizzy spells a lot less.

·       Mostly I notice dizziness after a change in training pace, for example most noticeable in week 5 after completing a hard 200m track sprint.

·       I still have to get up slowly, if I stand up after sitting for a while, I can get a little dizzy

·       Forgetfulness. This one is frustrating. I cannot remember stupid trivial things and have had to adopt the idea of writing lists all the time!

·       Emotional. I still notice incredible mood swings, from incredibly positive to the depths of despair in a flash. I cannot control it.

·       Fatigue. This is still my biggest bug bear. If I set off on a training session and ignore the slugglish feeling and fatigue symptoms, then further down the road I will hit a temporary wall, and almost come to a halt. I still have to start all my training very slowly, and build it up in intensity. I am still way below par, so much so i dont look at my garmin data any more, it just makes me cross!

·       Concentration. This is improving I have to say but sometimes I simply cannot focus on what I need to do. This has made me go the wrong way on regular car trips to places I know well, for example. A little annoying, but I do warn people that I may need to be told things twice when I am feeling like this. It still means that I struggle to get everything completed in a day.

·       Memory. People are regularly telling me that they told me that last week, last month, and I don’t remember. Especially with work. I am concerned that on my return they have and will underestimate the impact of this head injury on what I could and can do / cannot do.

People say they are impressed with what I have achieved to get to this point. I don’t understand. You are faced with a situation and you deal with it. What choice does one have?

I am happy I am still here, thankful I was wearing that helmel, and am still pleased to say that helmets DO save lives!