Head injury week 3 and 4: Project regain fitness begins

I have come to realise that a head injury is a little known and little appreciated thing. Why? Because I wish I had £5 for each person that has said to me this week ‘oh, gosh I am glad to see you have fully recovered now’.

I spoke to another head injury victim today. He was not a cyclist, it was completely different circumstances. However there were similarities. Natural assumptions. The problem with a head injury is all the symptoms are inside my head so how do YOU know how well I am? You don’t. You aren’t expected to. Therefore you assume. We all do.

The current symptoms:

·        I still can’t bend over and touch my toes while sanding, or get a plate from the bottom shelf, or pick something up from the floor without feeling incredibly dizzy. I stagger and look drunk to someone who doesn’t know. I have to think carefully, and crouch while trying to keep my head straight and facing forwards.

·        I am not too good at sudden changes of direction. I did hill sprints with my coach this week, and at the top of the hill we had to count to 5 before turning round to go back down, in case I fell over.

·        I recently discovered that looking up is actually much worse than anything at the moment for inducing dizziness. That could be dangerous because it makes me feel like I am falling backwards.

·        Fatigue. It’s like a tidal wave that arrives unannounced. There is nothing at all I can do about it. I got my garmin back this week from repair. I have decided ignorance was bliss. I went for a run with it on my wrist the other day, and realised I was nowhere near well yet. The pace was way down, and the heart rate was way up. It makes it all very difficult to deal with emotionally and I find it hard to avoid getting frustrated, which is a waste of energy because I know it’s not me, it’s the head injury. I recover from heart rate zone 5 to Zone 1 inside a minute, but I just can’t sustain the power.

·        Headaches. Aren’t often, but are a sign that I am working too hard and need to stop and slow down

·        Apathy. I have to work hard to motivate myself some times. I can happily sit in a vegetated state, which is VERY unlike me.

·        Linear balance. I only found out the other day that the single leg squats that I had actually got quite good at were at the moment almost impossible. I look like I have been on the ale when I try them!

·        Mood swings. This is the hardest one to handle. I can swing from feeling fine to the pit of despair with no warning. It must be incredibly hard for my husband to deal with. I can at times have a very short fuse, lose all patience, find the most ridiculous of things frustrating and irritating. There have been many rows, and I feel a bit bad. I don’t mean it. It like I cant control my brain sometimes, it goes onto auto-heal autopilot!

·        Concentration. This is getting better, but at times I still struggle.

·        The thought fog. I can say that I am almost there with this one now, but I on reflection, can see that I had some severe symptoms in this area. I couldn’t think straight and couldn't rationalise.

·        Memory. Sounds ridiculous, but it’s like the thump on my head has erased my ability to remember simple, trivial day to day things. I feel like an old lady because I have to write everything down!

A head injury is a roller coaster. I still can’t get half the things done in a day that I used to manage. But it is improving. I went to the pool at 6.30am today to swim. Last week that simply would not have been possible at all.

Yes, I look fine. I can walk in a straight line, talk sense, drive a car. Am I recovered? No. Far from it. It will be a long road, and I must continue to note the small every changing improvements each week on the road to recovery.

·        Bending over only intermittently causes me problems now.

·        I can walk without holding onto things

·        I no longer feel the merry-go-round feeling when I get up in the morning

·        Memory is still not as it used to be but I don’t repeat asking the same question any more like I was doing

·        I have been able to sustain short bursts of tempo paced training and not got dizzy afterwards

·        I completed a pool sprint triathlon – ok, not an earth shattering time, but I did it, without falling over.

·        Although training still starts sluggish, I can see the improvements even within a session. Its heading the right way at least!

·        I recognise symptoms when they start and have the sense to slow down. I think I am better at this because I truly value my life and what that MET helmet did for me more than you may realise

·        I am still alive. I could have been dead.

Onwards and upwards.

I will have to decide on whether to go to China for the Worlds some time soon. That will be a tough one.

Head injury sucks. Helmets DO save lives.