The weight loss hamster wheel

I wondered whether I should just avoid this weeks blog. I spend a lot of time encouraging and congratulating other people who do well and achieve their goals, got to stay positive, right? Not so easy. Any weight watcher will know that.

After rejoining the weekly meetings back in July, when I discovered that I had let a few pounds creep back on, I prepared myself to embrace toe diet once more, go back to being careful, counting everything. The initial interim goal was to get back from 12.8 to 12 stone. Then take it from there. Should be easy I thought. It started well. Too well perhaps. I reported last week I had been struggling to find the right balance to still fuel my training yet still lose weight. It continues to be a struggle. A few times this week I have run out of steam completely. So, the balance is still all wrong, I thought. Need to eat more, or training will be pants. So, I try. I always worry about needing energy bars and stuff though, because the calorie count on those things – the points value doesn’t bear thinking about! But need them this week I did. Hmmm.

I have however started to notice some tone revealing itself again from under the layer of fat I had allowed to build up around the middle. I even tried on a pair of size ten trousers I have been unable to fasten up for over a year, and got them on. I was feeling good, positive, and ready to be weighed.

When I went to the meeting, my regular leader was not there. I think, it’ll be fine. You have hardly eaten anything this week. Easy. Right? Right? No. I step on the scales, 1.5lb on. I was devastated to be honest. I so wanted to reach the 12 stone mark before I go to Budapest. There’s only 2 weeks left. The replacement leader says what did you do different? I said, I don’t know! She asks what do I need to do different? I again say I don’t know. She just looks at me, and says nothing more. That’s helpful I think to myself. NOT.

Cooooooooooooooach!! HELP!!! He gives me a verbal slap and says get a grip!! I ask myself, what would you tell someone who tweeted the same story. I concluded that despite a disappointment on the scales, I got back into those trousers this week. This to me is big news. It DID make me happy. I wish I had been measuring inches, because I bet that would have told me a more reassuring story. It’s just a small blip. Mel, you have had many of those. Get a grip!!

At the moment, training is vital, in preparation for the world championships. I realise weight loss and race pre is a stupid combination to try, and praise myself for losing 5lb this far in only a month, while still trying to balance a heavy training load. That’s quite an achievement I think. So, onwards to another week.

What did I conclude I did wrong? I think maybe, looking back at my OWN food diary, I repeatedly kept forgetting to eat lunch, and then tried to ‘catch up’ later. That I think was my error. I perhaps didn’t eat enough. I learned from past experience, having been a gold member for 4 years and a weight watchers member for more than that, that when I saved myself up too many points in a week, it actually had the reverse effect. It’s a fine balance, and what happens if you don’t eat enough is your body starts to store fat as an emergency measure because it thinks you are starving yourself. So, I’ll try again next week. Maybe I’ll get it, maybe I won’t. My eye is on the long term goal and I just have to keep trying to get the balance, and listening to my body closely. Its hard work though.